This is something you'd think I knew about, but I did not. I found it over at SITS (who by the way gave away a ton of super cool prizes yesterday). Anyway, pregnancy loss is something that I have been touched by (or hit by a mack truck!) on a very personal level. I first found out I was pregnant in early July 1993. By the end of August, we had lost our first child. He (I believe it was a boy) could not be found on the ultrasound at 11 ish weeks. It was an ultrasound to check baby size to help determine a due date. Since we weren't actually trying to get pregnant at that point, I wasn't really tracking my cycle. At 11 weeks, they couldn't find the heartbeat. At 12 ish weeks, I went back to have a repeat ultrasound. This time I had to go alone. I was told that the baby wasn't there, had no heartbeat, would never be born, whatever. I don't remember what I was specifically told, but I remember waiting while they scheduled a semi emergent D&C for the next morning. Then I got in the car to drive home, and had to pull over because I was crying so hard. The next couple of months was a complete blur. I remember nothing of that time. I know I worked, ate, slept, but that's about it.
In November, we got the go ahead to try again, if we wanted. Oh, we wanted! Even though baby #1 was a surprise, we/I was out to be a mom. We got pregnant right away. 12/3/93 I took a pregnancy test at a clinic. Initially it was negative. Which was okay. The lady and I talked, she gave me some brochures, I headed out. She ran out the door after me and called me back in. While we were talking, the test had turned positive. (I'm not sure if we didn't wait long enough or what, but that's what happened.) So, I went back in, we had a different talk and then I was off.
A week later, I started spotting. A day later, my new, wonderful doctor, confirmed that I had been pregnant, but was "losing" the baby through a blood test. This really, really, REALLY sucked.
This time the fog was not as bad. I figured getting pregnant wasn't the problem, staying pregnant was. With the help of the above noted new, wonderful doctor...(don't laugh when I tell you his name...well, you can if you want. Dr. Rick Field.) we were able to get pregnant that March.
Lyric was born the following December. She was 8 pounds of beautiful and except for the cord being wrapped around her neck TWICE, the delivery was pretty uneventful, albeit LONG. Everything went so well, that 3 1/2 years later we decided to give her a sibling. Jazz was not as easy to get started, but she was a wopping 8 pound 9 ounces, and really was a quick, uneventful delivery.
I can't say I don't wonder what would have happened if either of the first pregnancies had made it to term, but I do know that I would not have Lyric or Jazz. I wouldn't give them up for anything. So, even though sometimes life sucks, I do believe that God has a plan for me and I have to play along, even if I don't know what or why.